Meredith Blake: An Open Letter To JJ Abrams About "Cloverfield"

Dear J.J. Abrams- Hi, how are you? Based on all the hullaballoo, I am sure you are very, very talented. Maybe even "prodigiously talented," if I were the type of person to say that. But to be honest, except for the first 2 seasons of "Felicity" (until the episode where she did it with Simon Rex), I am not all that familiar with your body of work. I know you created "Alias," and are therefore the man who made Jennifer Garner famous, which got her cast in "Daredevil," where she met Ben Affleck, which in turn freed him from the well-moisturized clutches of Jennifer Lopez. By the transitive property of celebrity relationships, if it weren't for you, there would be no Violet Affleck, which would be horrible, because she is one of my favorite celebrity toddlers. If it weren't for you, our Ben would still be making enormous monthly payments to Harry Winston for that ginormous pink (!!) diamond, and starring in embarrassing, self-referential videos where he lounges on yachts and spanks his ... (link)