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"Keep your hands off my lunch you thoughtless little pig. Hey, if I asked your mom real nice, you think she'd let me lip-buzz her bazooms?"
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Celebrities
Salma Hayek
Alec Baldwin
Swedish pop star Robyn has offered up a chilling account of what it's like to open for Madonna . As you'd expect, there are lots of rules, most of them entirely unreasonable. For instance, Robyn's people were told "not to approach Madonna, not to speak to Madonna and, above all, no pictures." ...
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Celebrities
Madonna
Robyn
This is how it happens - first they show their dick on stage, then they start doing all sorts of drugs.
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Celebrities
Daniel Radcliffe
Avril Lavigne and husband Deryck Whibley are having problems in their two-year-old marriage. Little Avril has been on tour you see, and Deryck has availed himself of the opportunity to chat up skanks and otherwise enjoy his freedom from that absurd twat he tricked himself into marrying. A ...
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Celebrities
Avril Lavigne
The Villa
Katie Holmes has been spending most of her time in New York, and would like to continue doing so - even if her husband Tom Cruise prefers living in L.A. “Katie doesn’t really love Beverly Hills,” a source told In Touch magazine. So the actress, who has become a Broadway star thanks to her ...
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Celebrities
Katie Holmes
Tom Cruise
L.A. Reid
Eva Mendes does not appreciate people comparing her to Jennifer Lopez . "I would like to think I will have a more serious career than J-Lo," Mendes says. "We may both be of Latin origin but that’s where the comparisons stop. "She manages her career like the head of a big corporation, whereas ...
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Celebrities
Eva Mendes
Jennifer Lopez
Heehee...the bit where the guy asks how her husband's eye is and she says "It's improving. He told me I looked beautiful today." Did Rumer have them write that in just for her self-esteem? And how did her husband's get injured in the first place? A horrible chin-related accident?
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Celebrities
Rumer Willis
Former Scientologist Tory Christman jumps on YouTube to inform Bill Maher that he's been officially declared a suppressive person by the COS. All religions hate Bill because he made the movie Religulous in which he questions people of faith and makes them look like dumpling brains (which ...
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Celebrities
Bill Maher
Religulous
Michael Jackson took his kids to a comic store in Paris. They were all wearing masks at first, then they took them off and the store patrons begged them to put them back on. No, I kid. His children look fine. They're quite pretty actually. Unfortunately, they are complete freaks. They will ...
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Celebrities
Michael Jackson
Courteney Cox admits she once tried Botox , but says she didn't like it. "Botox? I think it's fantastic and also horrible," Cox said. "I mean, they've come up with this stuff that can make you not look angry. But you have to use it sparingly. "I went to this doctor once, and he was like, ...
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Celebrities
Jennifer Aniston
Courteney Cox
John Mayer
Vince Vaughn
Brad Pitt
Christian Slater has come out - as a high school dropout . "High school was not something that I remotely took seriously," Slater admitted to Parade magazine (in an interview he ironically cannot read). But the actor has kids now and wants to set a good example, so he took night courses and ...
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Celebrities
Christian Slater
Jack Nicholson
Reese Witherspoon landed the ship and ran some errands. Dilithium crystal store. Space-laundry. Ass-wax. Lube run for Jake . Lots and lots of drugs.
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Celebrities
Reese Witherspoon
Jake Gyllenhaal
Zac Efron was hurt shooting a song and dance number for the new High School Musical 3 . The scene involved some kind of wacky rotating hallway and Zac had a hard time dealing with the wonky set and fell on his assy little face. "We had always talked about doing a scene in a revolving setting ...
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Celebrities
Zac Efron
High School Musical
Nikki Blonsky says she "lives every day in pain" since that airport brawl her and father got into with model Bianca Golden and her mother. "The hardest part for me is to see my parents walk around in severe upset and sadness," Blonsky said. That's what drugs are for, honey. Oh, but wait - ...
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Celebrities
Nikki Blonsky
Brad Pitt took some pictures of Angelina Jolie and now they're being run in W magazine's "Art Issue." Cause Brad Pitt is a great artist, don't you know. Maybe he takes nice pictures - I don't know. He sure can't act. He's pretty good at knocking his woman up too. I'm sorry, but I don't know ...
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Celebrities
Brad Pitt
Angelina Jolie
It's true kids - you can actually break your arm patting yourself on the back. You can also get shot in the face and die. Let's hope Doody next demonstrates that one.
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Celebrities
Puff Daddy
Britney Spears terrifies shoppers by randomly walking up to them and sniffing them. "You smell like poor people y'all. Hi I'm Britney Spears. At least that's what they tell me. Have a flavored condom. I like the cherry ones best. They're kinda tough chewin' though."
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Celebrities
Britney Spears
Samantha Ronson is said to be disturbed at Lindsay Lohan 's shopping habits. The dyke DJ thinks Lindsay spends too much money on frivolous stuff, and now Lindsay has taken to hiding proof of her purchases from her crusty girlfriend. Ronson's thrifty ways have nothing to do with lack of ...
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Celebrities
Lindsay Lohan
Samantha Ronson
Grizzled actor Nick Nolte got a scare last night when his Malibu home caught fire and he had to break a window and flee. There are conflicting reports as to the damage - some sources say the whole joint burned down, others say there was only minor scorching. One thing everyone can agree on is ...
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Celebrities
Nick Nolte
Travis Barker
I have to confess - I plumb forgot about the presidential debate last night. I was reading some Michio Kaku and became so engrossed in hyperspace and metric tensors that all this earthly bullshit just sort of melted away and I put my jammies on and went to bed all blissful and fizzy in the ...
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