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Obama Speech Media Hierarchy: Losers And Winners [Working 'with' The Press]
 
Not all reporters are created equal at Invesco Field, where Barack Obama is about to close out the Democratic National Convention. John Koblin at the Observer printed a seating chart (left) and gave a rundown on the winners and losers. It looks like the Obama campaign continues to snub the New Yorker for its controversial parody cover , sitting the magazine's correspondents in worse seats ...

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BREAKING NEWS! [Conventional Wisdom]
 
Rafael Smith, 4, is believed by his mother and numerous Olan Mills employees to resemble the Democratic presidential candidate. No seriously that is a story.

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Chris Matthews's Groundbaking Speech [Freudian Slips]
 
The appearance of a giant pot-leaf poster and an "IMPEACH BUSH" skull behind Chris Matthews must have flustered him, given what he said next...

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The Only 90 Seconds of Convention Coverage You Need to Watch [Conventional Wisdom]
 
Missed the convention so far? Want to know what all the fuss is about? Truthfully it's a series of mediocre-to-decent speeches and then hours and hours and HOURS of utter bullshit. The speeches are too long anyway, so our video department cut the whole thing down to 90 seconds. You got your Michelle Obama, your Ted Kennedy, your Clintons, and, of course, the next President of the United ...

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"I Didn't Do It" [Michael Phelps]
 
Fleeting fame continues! Michael Phelps, the richly be-medaled Olympian and Ariel the mermaid's half brother, will be making a cameo on HBO's Entourage this season. He could teach Vincent Chase a few things about pulling chicks, I'm sure. You know, when in the confines of a little village in a foreign country.

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Retailer Pulls Catalogs With Death Camp-Thin Models—Can We Get Some Pictures? [Body Issues]
 
The president of a venerable Montreal retailer is pulling some 450,000 of the the store's catalogs because he decided the models were too thin. Says Peter Simons of La Maison Simons, who claims he was on vacation when the catalogs were printed: "We are into social responsibility here.... I'm fully aware of what it is and I'm taking full responsibility… It's my job to ensure that we are a ...

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Art Or Dumb, Or Both? [Banksy]
 
This particular new Banksy piece in New Orleans that we posted earlier today is a statement on the city's aggressive art-buffing practices, so of course it has already been painted over. But in the most head-scratching way possible. Idiotic example of the power structure missing the point, or the work of a sympathetic city worker? Or just more art ? Click through for before and after pics:  ...

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Failure to Return [Books]
 
The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser. Seriously, who isn't returning their library books? The failure to return borrowed books is a very real, very pressing problem these days. We've brought you two jail-time examples of rogue library borrowers this week alone. Now we've received a list of various offenders from the fuzz—a Southern library is being robbed ...

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Failture to Return [Books]
 
The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser. Seriously, who isn't returning their library books? The failure to return borrowed books is a very real, very pressing problem in today's society. We've brought you two jail-time examples of rogue library borrowers this week alone. Now we've received a list of various offenders from the fuzz. A Southern library is being ...

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Real Men Eat Brains [Advertising]
 
Ha, Wendy's is being humorous with their new "Meatatarians" ad campaign, cause they're like, fuck vegetables, eat cows! "Our goal is to continue our dominance atop the food chain," reads the website , which has no content except a box for Meatatarians to sign up for spam email from Wendy's. You won't see any cows signing up. Now who's smart?

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The Mock Cover [Advertising]
 
The spoof cover is an increasingly popular way to establish a character. Witness the fake issue of Wired flashed on the screen during a video tribute to Iron Man's arms manufacturer, Robert Downey's character, Tony Stark. HBO rival Showtime has borrowed the technique to advertise the new season of their tentpole show , the serial-killer drama Dexter, sacrificing a little authenticity for ...

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Hologram Ushers You Into Best Buy [Advertising]
 
Hm, how to grab shoppers' attention in the cavernous Mall of America, without having to pay some kid $7 an hour to stand there passing out fliers? A hologram man , sent from the future! It's only a matter of time now until Terminator-like robots patrol our nation's food courts, gesturing menacingly with their whirring appendages, their fixed gaze wordlessly urging you to check out the new ...

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We Are All Whores, So Save Your Outraged Blogging for the War or Whatever [Sex Wars]
 
You know what's boring? Feminist outrage. But it's so easy to be strident, especially in the blogosphere. Especially when a gal writes an article like Jessica Pilot's now-infamous profile on Manhattan's so-called "Hipster Hookers" in Radar . In the piece, she profiled high-end working girls, and even met with a madam herself—although she chickened out on actually going through with a ...

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Live Nude McCain Ad During Obama Speech Tonight [Bad Ideas]
 
John McCain is playing dirty! Tonight, after Barack Obama's speech, McCain bought airtime for a rebuttal ad. There are no details on which markets and channels the ad will air on ("battleground states" does not mean much!) but it will surely end up repeated on every channel in the name of "news" a couple million times. What will McCain do in this mysterious and unprecedented ad? We're not ...

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 Leaked  Gossip Girl  Script! Sad Young Literary Men [Exclusive]
Leaked Gossip Girl Script! Sad Young Literary Men [Exclusive]
Found at the Gossip Girl studios: a script for what appears to be the fifth episode of the teen soap's highly-anticipated second season. And what do the selected pages reveal? Mostly the tortured (and torturous) relationship between sad young ...
Gossip Girl's Season 2, Episode 5 Script: Dan Humphrey vs. Jay McInerney [Exclusive]
 
Found at the Gossip Girl studios: a script for what appears to be the fifth episode of the teen soap's highly-anticipated second season. And what do the selected pages reveal? Mostly the tortured (and torturous) relationship between sad young literary man Brooklyn Dan and his crusty old mentor, Noah Shapiro. Amusingly, Shapiro will be played by Jay McInerney , once a sad young New York ...

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Hipster God A Homophobe? [Taavo Somer]
 
"It's stupid to be homophobic," mused a guy working in a downtown bar last night. "And it's really stupid to be homophobic if you're in the restaurant business. And it's really stupid to be homophobic if you're in the fashion business." The subject of his rant: Taavo Somer , the 35-year-old owner of faux-rustic LES hipster haven Freemans and faux-nautical bar The Rusty Knot and proprietor of ...

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Americans Select Girl-Dog for Obama [Dog Days]
 
Barack Obama promised his adorable daughters that he would get them a puppy if he won the presidency (they would surely mention this fact more often if they really wanted to win). The American Kennel Club had a poll to decide what sort of dog Obama should get. (Of course, Obama should rescue a dog from a shelter and not select an expensive purebred, but whatevs.) The winner? A poodle. A ...

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The Holy Grail [Amazing]
The most Onion -like real news story of all time has been found . [ Sioux City Journal via James Wilkerson ]
"Everything Is Lava Except For This Paint Strip!!! Carolyn, You're In the Lava!!!!!" [Open Caption]
 
[Lauren Conrad, star of the Frontline special series "The Hills" out and about in the city of strip malls last night; image via INF ] ColonelMustard 's new line beats the original, Reality Star Ignores Signs About Her Chosen Profession.

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