Each week, The Hype Report will analyze the celebrities whose stars have risen in the past week. Calculations are based on a celebrity's total hype for the week (tracked links and votes on ShowHype) compared to the previous week. Proof that basic math can take you far. Mouse over the chart to view the details on any of the celebs and their top story of the week.

In the same week that 22-year-old Lindsay Lohan dropped her knickers to re-enact 36-year-old Marilyn Monroe's last photo shoot, she received an award for her performance in I Know Who Killed Me. If that's not validation of your career choices, I don't know what is.

Lindsay Lohan	Lindsay Lohan 175 stories, 517 points. Top Story: Lindsay Lohan Recreates Last Nude Photo Shoot of Marilyn Monroe
Marilyn Monroe	Marilyn Monroe 70 stories, 247 points. Top Story: Lindsay Lohan Recreates Last Nude Photo Shoot of Marilyn Monroe
Jennifer Lopez	Jennifer Lopez 80 stories, 266 points. Top Story: EXCLUSIVE: Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony Welcome Twins!
Marc Anthony	Marc Anthony 42 stories, 134 points. Top Story: EXCLUSIVE: Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony Welcome Twins!
Pink	Pink 35 stories, 107 points. Top Story: Pink & Carey Hart Divorcing
Carey Hart	Carey Hart 35 stories, 107 points. Top Story: Pink & Carey Hart Divorcing
Angelina Jolie	Angelina Jolie 85 stories, 193 points. Top Story: Brad & Angie to Pax: You're Officially One of Us!
Jessica Simpson	Jessica Simpson 55 stories, 165 points. Top Story: Jessica Simpson Rules the Box Office – in the Ukraine
Gene Simmons	Gene Simmons 38 stories, 97 points. Top Story: Rock Star: Gene Simmons sex tape leaked on Web (NSFW)
Ashton Kutcher	Ashton Kutcher 40 stories, 99 points. Top Story: HEALTH SCARE AT ASHTON'S BIRTHDAY

Speaking of twins, Jennifer Lopez gave birth to a boy and girl on Friday, her first children with husband Marc Anthony, who already has three kids. After practicing pink drills for a week, the hospital was fully prepared to protect the reported $6 million invested by People magazine for the first photos of the babies.

Breakups are always sad, but when it's two of your favorite celebrities, who just exude warmth and genuine affection for each other, it's ... it's just too hard to take.

But this should cheer you up. Jessica Simpson's Blonde Ambition is ruling the box office in the Ukraine. If ticket sales keep up and momentum builds to number one spots in neighboring Belarus and Moldova, getting sued by people who love fat people won't be a problem.

Congratulations to little Pax Thien, who is now officially a Jolie-Pitt. Like his siblings, he is cute as hell, and even better, he's old enough to know that as long as he doesn't do anything too criminal, he's now set for life. The slice of the pie just got a little smaller, however, with one or possibly two more babies on the way.

The most-used letter combination on the web this week: NSFW. And I'm not saying it's related, although anything is possible, but Ashton Kutcher's guests all need to get tested for Hep-A.